


thank you.

by HardenedClay



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardenedClay/pseuds/HardenedClay
Summary: it's scary how love can drive you crazy.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongin | Kai, Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope my korean is correct in the beginning lol, i haven't studied since last year  
> anyways, noTE

Chanyeol awoke, instantly sitting up on his bed the moment his lids fled open.  
He panted and gasped for air. The dream he had just now, it felt suffocating.  
The tall figure slightly coughed, closing his eyes for a moment and calming himself down.  
He opened his eyes once again, and went to grab his phone from the end-table.

His eyes darted at the time when he turned it on, seeing that it was 4:48 AM.  
He sighed heavily, putting it down. He took a bit of his time to remember the dream he had just now.  
What the hell happened? He was a native Korean, but he had a dream that was coated in English.  
He only remembers a few factors of the dream, he saw a smaller figure with white hair. 

Chanyeol and this unknown presence stood together on a beach, where dusk was setting in.  
Shortly after, that conversation came. That conversation he, for some reason, couldn't process the word that were said.  
He remembers, the smaller figure then smiled at him.  
He remembers how mystical his smile was, for some reason he wanted to kiss him so desperately.  
But the figure began to walk into the ocean. It had become evening at that point. He walked and walked, until he could no longer see him.  
As the moon dawned on him, this is when he felt he couldn't breathe, as if he was being suffocated.

Chanyeol let out a heavy yet shaky breath.   
It was a strange, traumatic dream. Maybe this was because of his friend, Baekhyun.  
Yes, Baekhyun. The lovable, cheerful friend. To Chanyeol, he was more than that. He wanted to cherish him in his arms.  
He wanted to oh-so-dearly caress his face and hold him for as long as he desired to.

But something was preventing that.  
Those easy but hard actions, weren't Chanyeol's place to be in anymore. Chanyeol had no other choice but to be flexible with fate.  
He always wondered if he had done something so horrid and god-awful in his previous life to deserve this.  
Every morning he wakes up, every moment he wants to forget the fact Baekhyun passed away.  
He wished none of this ever happened, he begged every morning that this was a long nightmare, but it wasn't.

* * *

_Chanyeol stood in-front of the small coffee shop. Today was exceptionally a cold day, his hands dug inside of his trench-coat's pockets for warmth._   
_He had his hood on his head, apparently today was just really cold for some damn reason._   
_The tall figure squinted his eyes, trying to find the couple, Jongin and Baekhyun, through the glass walls.  
He felt it'd be awkward to walk in without knowing where they were._   
_Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulder. His head turned around, and saw that it was Jongdae, another friend of theirs._

_"Oh, Jongdae?" Chanyeol was genuinely surprised. "I knew your back looked familiar, how's it been?" Jongdae grinned, patting his back._   
_"Welcome back from your business trip. I'm just trying to find the two lovebirds," The taller figure said as he tried to force out a laugh._   
_Jongdae is a composer-singer. He had gone on a business trip to find inspiration for new songs to write, and Chanyeol was surprised he had already come back._   
_"Ah, you mean JongBaek." He snickered, "You wanna come join us?" The other asked. "Sure thing, I don't mind."_

_The two walked inside, and found Jongin in the corner of the room._   
_They greeted each other, and sat down._

_"It's been a few weeks Jongdae!" Jongin playfully hit him, Jongdae laughed in return._   
_"Yeah, the trip to Maldives was extremely helpful, thanks for the suggestion."_   
_Chanyeol quietly sighed, watching the both of them talk. He then looked across the room, and found Baekhyun at the cashier register._   
_Something was different about him. Did he dye his hair? Chanyeol raised an eyebrow whilst examining the boy._

_He noticed that his hair was white. It looked nice on him, actually, kind of magical._   
_Chanyeol then pulled his phone out and stared at it. He didn't want to be caught, especially since his boyfriend was around._   
_His eyes darted towards Jongin and Jongdae once again, and noticed that they were whispering to each other. What were they talking about?_   
_He brushed it off, knowing it might not be his business to know about._

_"Oh, hey, Jongdae! I'm surprised to see you here," Baekhyun beamed, patting Jongdae's head before sitting down next to Jongin._   
_"Yeah, I stumbled upon Chanyeol on the way here." The conversation continued on, and Chanyeol stayed quiet._   
_He listened in on this, but his eyes were focused on his phone screen._

_Despite the happy exchanges, he still felt fatigued and heavy. He felt a bit too dull, actually._   
_Maybe it's becoming awkward, Chanyeol peeled his gaze off of the phone and decided to listen to their conversations instead._   
_He then noticed that Jongin looked a little uncomfortable and forced. Did something happen before I arrived here?_   
_It's probably just me. I don't look at Jongin that much anyway._

_A little time had passed by. Like earlier, Chanyeol didn't talk quite much. The others asked him why he was unusally quiet eventually._   
_"I'm just a little fatigued from the sudden temperature change," Was the excuse that laid out of his lips._   
_But he saw Jongin's facial expression. He knows something was off, Jongin looked disturbed and angry._   
_He hopes that it's not because of him, or else Jongin and Baekhyun would stop keeping in-touch with him._

_He hopes to God that never ever happens._

_"Hey guys, if you don't mind, I just want to talk to Baek privately."_   
_"Oh, really? We're gonna go talk-"Baekhyun was cut off before Jongin basically picked him up and dragged him outside.  
_ _Chanyeol raised an eyebrow, a little confused.  
He turned his head to Jongdae, asking just with his face if he knew anything what was going on.  
_ _"Well. . ." Jongdae cleared his throat. "He told me something earlier."_

_"What was it? Tell me." Chanyeol whispered, curious._   
_What was happening? Jongdae raised his hand to whisper in the other's ear._   
_"Jongin told me he was thinking of breaking up with Baekhyun. . ."_

_Wait. What? Why was that happening?_   
_Chanyeol's eyes widened, "I know, I know. It was also a shock to me, they've been dating for two years, what happened, right? About that. ."_   
_Jongdae went and whispered to his ear once again, "Jongin found out you like him." He lifted his face and looked at Chanyeol with a concerned expression._   
_"Chan, I'm sorry, I didn't tell him anything, really." He said. "But, how. . ." The taller figure's eyes shook, he hoped that wasn't actually happening._

_Why was this happening. I covered it up, I wasn't provoking Baekhyun. I supported their relationship, why was he. . ._

_"Let's just hope Baekhyun takes this well. Okay?" Jongdae patted Chanyeol's head. He knew how much of a shit-storm this was gonna be to Chanyeol._   
_He knew he was struggling a lot when it came to his feelings towards Baekhyun, and now the day came where he was outed in one way or another._   
_A few minutes passed by. Chanyeol and Jongdae were waiting anxiously._

_Baekhyun then came back. Chanyeol didn't make eye-contact with him, he was terrified._   
_"Baekhyun! Where's. . . Er, Jongin?" Jongdae smiled, trying to deny the fact that Jongin wasn't there._   
_There was a silence. Chanyeol slowly looked up, and saw that Baekhyun was on the verge of tears._

_His heart sunk to the bottom of the sea._   
_"Sorry, he broke up with me and left." Baekhyun let out a shaky sigh, covering his eyes with his arm._   
_"No need to apologize, okay? Things happen for a reason." Jongdae comforted him.  
Chanyeol tried to touch him, but Baekhyun refused his skin-contact._   
_Chanyeol gulped hard, he gritted his teeth. This is my fault, this is all my fault._

_"I'll just get going. Jongdae, take care of Baekhyun." Chanyeol stood up and walked out of the building._   
_He couldn't care right now, he didn't care if he had just walked out of there instead of trying to comfort the person he loves._   
_He didn't want to break down in-front of him, he didn't want to look that pathetic. He didn't want to look that scummy._   
_"Fuck," Chanyeol gritted his teeth once again, the tears now rolling down his cheeks._

_At this point, he started sprinting somewhere. He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to get away from there._   
_"Why, what did I do." He mumbled under his breath, letting his legs take him anywhere but that place._   
_His life had crumbled upon itself, it had finally reached that point._

* * *

Chanyeol's eyes flicked open from the sound of heavy wind and rain outside of his window.  
He stared at his blanket. His bed was messy. How many days has it been?   
A heavy sigh left his lips. His eyes glazed upon his window, seeing that it must've been raining for a while.  
Today felt cold once again. Chanyeol hasn't found a single foundation of heat for a few days now.

He feels as though he could die in there.  
He hadn't been eating for a few days now because of his excessive sleeping.  
Chanyeol held his head in his palms. He wanted this whole fiasco to end.  
He wanted to have a good time with him again. With Baekhyun.

But fuck, he was too much of a coward. He was a pussy, a no good push-over.  
The tears let out again. How many times has he cried now? It's been too many times.  
He heard his phone vibrate. His arm, shaking, reached out to it and read the message.

**보고싶다.**

Chanyeol threw his phone at the floor.  
He didn't want to see it, he didn't want to see anything.  
He wanted to stop hallucinating, he wished he could stop it.  
He wished that everything would be back to normal the next time he passed out.

Chanyeol hugged his legs.   
He closed his eyes tightly, wishing to end all of this.  
He was exhausted, he was tired of repeating the same things.  
He doesn't want to feel like this anymore.

* * *

_"No. . . NO!"_   
_Chanyeol ran towards him, desperately denying his reality._   
_"Baekhyun, you're joking, right?" His hands violently shook, now holding his cold, dead body in his arms._   
_"Stop it, please. Stop," Chanyeol sobbed loudly, he couldn't breathe properly._

_There Baekhyun was, dead, right on his very arms. Pills and tablets surrounded them._   
_"This is a prank, this is a prank." Chanyeol kept telling himself, but it wasn't working._   
_Nothing was working._   
_If he was brave enough, he would've been by his side. He would've been alive by now._

_This is all his fault. It's always all his fault._   
_"Fuck, FUCK!!!" Chanyeol screamed on the top of his lungs._   
_He cradled Byun Baekhyun's corpse, crying out like his life depended on it._   
_Never in his life have he felt this desperate for a miracle to happen. But that miracle was dull, it was impossible._

_"Baekhyun, I'm sorry. I'm sorry-" He managed to say in-between huffing._   
_Chanyeol's breathing had become inconsistent; yet all he could focus on were the pain coursing through his veins._   
_It wasn't long until his vision went black._

_Chanyeol awoke on a white bed._   
_His eyes looked all over the room, scared, terrified._ _An IV-drip was connected to his arm._   
_The only noise that filled the room was the heavy rain from outside of the windows._

_"Where's Baekhyun?" Chanyeol cried._   
_"WHERE IS HE?!" His voice echoed throughout the room._   
_The door opened. "Jongdae." Chanyeol stared at him, tears building up in his eyes._

_"Jongdae, where's Baekhyun?" These words lured Jongdae in, as he hugged him._   
_"I'm sorry Chanyeol. I'm so sorry,"_

_Chanyeol didn't know why, but hearing him apologize overwhelmed him._   
_The tears burst out once again. It was too obvious, why was he asking where he was when he's already. . ._   
_"No, no. No." Were the only words that came out of his lips._   
_"Chanyeol. . . Please." Jongdae let go._

_Once again, his vision blacked out._

* * *

He now found himself standing in-front of a tombstone.  
He was stunned, Chanyeol forgot how he came here.  
But he was here now, and there was no going back today.

Chanyeol's eyes remained on a set of words.  
His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was messy.  
His face was puffy and his lips were dry.  
Despite all that, he remained staring at a set of words.

**May you rest in peace,**   
**Byun Baekhyun**   
**1992-2019**

Chanyeol lied the bouquet of flowers on the ground, and knelt down. "Hey Baekhyun." He croaked out, voice still hoarse from crying.  
"It's been over a year now, Jongin is alive and well." His chest tightened, he couldn't breathe properly again.  
Whenever he mentioned Jongin's name, he felt so angry and resentful that he couldn't breathe.

Chanyeol closed his eyes, trying to calm down.  
When his breathing finally became consistent again, he opened his eyes once again.  
He found himself staring at the framed picture of Baekhyun.  
Instead of crying, a smile cracked upon his lips.

"I won't cry in front of your grave from now on. I'm a good friend, right?"  
Right, a good friend. Those words hurt so much, but he didn't want to cry anymore.  
Chanyeol let out a heavy sigh, and stood up.

"I'll make sure to see you again this time, Baekhyun."  
Chanyeol cocked the pistol, and pulled the trigger.

**- &-**


End file.
